The Only Person Keeping You Unhappy Is You.

Now I know exactly what you’re thinking when you read that, “I can’t control some of the bad things that happen to me.” While that may be the case, life is full of unexpected twist and turns that make things alittle more complicated. 

It’s our choice to dwell on the situation or simply move on from it. 

This is something I’ve been thinking on for the past couple of days, it’s hard to not think about it when I seem to be surrounded by not-so-happy people. I’m most definitely guilty of being one of these people from time to time. I have gotten in the way of my own happiness too many times to even count. 

Recently I’ve had a couple of my girl-friends come to me for relationship advice about how to fix things with a guy who acts like that they don’t care. This is one of those times where I give advice that not many people want or are willing to hear. Because to be completely blunt and cut to the chase, if someone acts like they don’t care…well it’s because they don’t. 

I’ve learned this from my own personal experiences and from watching how this plays out with the people around me. If someone wants to talk to you, they will. Please, name a time when you’ve been without your phone or neglected to check it for longer than 12 hours. If you are going to be with out it, you probably take the 30 seconds it takes to text your significant other that you’ll be with-out it. Right? Exactly, so if you have that courtesy for them why accept that they don’t have the same respect to do the same?

The main topic we’re going to look into is someone who is low enough to cheat. Or more so about the person who makes excuses to stay with him/her after they’ve cheated. Lets face it, staying with a cheater never ends well. You will never trust this person again, and chances are every time you two get into a fight you’re going to drag up the time “they accidentally fell in bed with someone who wasn’t you”. You don’t ever fully move on from someone having an affair. It always lingers in the back of your mind.

 2 a.m. creeps around and you’ll be going over everything you could have done better to keep him from cheating. 

The thing is you can do everything absolutely perfect and he will still have a wondering eye looking for the next best thing. That has nothing to do with you. 

Something that does have to do with you is knowing when it’s time to walk away. 

To respect yourself enough to keep what little pride you have and find someone who loves you the way you love them. Yeah, it’ll hurt and you won’t be happy right away. But you will at least have a chance to be happy again, staying with a toxic person is just putting a ball and chain on your ankle to be stuck in misery.

You’re the only one who has the key to your happiness. You’re the only one who can decide when enough is enough. You’re the only one who knows your true worth.

Sure, you’ve heard all about how sorry they are. How it’s never going to happen again. That you’re the only one they want. All this sounds great, and it might even give you temporary happiness. Until it does happen again, because it most certainly will. I’ve seen it. You’ve seen it. We all know that saying “once a cheater always a cheater” 9 times out of 10 is right on the money.

They may get sneakier and find better ways to cover it up, but you’ll always have that doubt and gut-feeling that its still going on. It’s time to face the fact that even though you love them, they’re not the one. A person who loves you won’t do things they know will hurt you. A person who truly loves you will get sick to their stomach even thinking about being with anyone who isn’t you. This is the person you deserve.

Not the douche-bag that takes advantage of how madly in love you are with them and assumes you’re too weak minded to leave.

Staying only proves to them that he was right. Do us both a favor and give them a big F.U. and finally choose yourself. I’ve been the girl who stayed, the girl who forgave them, and the girl who allowed someone to walk all over me. I don’t know about you but those are all titles I didn’t exactly want to carry.

The best thing I’ve ever done for myself was finally figuring out that I was strong enough to stand on my own two feet. My happiness didn’t depend on anyone but myself 

I wasn’t going to be a prisoner of a broken heart. I know it sure as hell isn’t always easy. But at some point you have to stop making excuses to hold onto a relationship that has already died. Accept the fact that things don’t always work out and don’t fall victim to feeling sorry for yourself. Instead of crying about it, use it as a guide of what you don’t want in life.

This is only one example of a situation that makes you unhappy that you have complete control to remove yourself from. There are so many more. It’s not selfish to do what’s best for you. Sometimes it’s the only way to survive. Take all of the bad things that happen to you and always remember that you had the strength to overcome them. Life is too short to be stuck doing things that don’t bring you joy. Get out and find your happiness!

 

Thanks for reading, I hope it’s gave you some clarity. I’d love to know your thoughts, so feel free to comment! Have a lovely day.

 

Relationships, Marriage, and Lasting Love Are Being Killed By Our Generation

If you’re in your twenties you know exactly what I mean when I say this.

Relationships are a dying thing in today’s society. Who needs to be in a committed relationship that requires effort when we have a way to easily replace someone when the going gets tough? 

The more social media and the internet progresses the less important finding “the one” becomes.

I mean lets get real here, with the amount of dating websites and social media networks we have now it’s so easy to find someone to occupy our time. All it takes is a swipe of a finger. Then boom. You’re in bed with someone. Well, maybe not in bed with them but you get the idea.

Our idea of a relationship tends to go a little something like this: See an attractive photo of someone on twitter, facebook, instagram, snapchat, ect. “Slide into the dm’s” Talk for a while. Have a good thing going for a month or two (if you’re lucky). Something slightly goes wrong. Give up. Repeat.

It’s a vicious cycle that no one seems to want to break. Humans are lazy. We don’t want to put much work or effort in anything. Especially another person. The idea of “perfect” sabotages a lot of us. It’s too easy for us to find out other people’s flaws and problems. All you have to do is go to someone’s page and scroll down a little bit, then suddenly you have all this new information about a person. Their relationship status, family, career, where they went to school, interests, and social status, you find all this out with out even having to talk to them. People have no sense of mystery anymore, we lay everything out on the internet for the world to know. With this being said, everyone is judgmental rather they admit it or not. Most of us expect others to be a certain way and if they’re not up to our standards we lose interest.

Another increasing issue with millennial’s love life is that everyone is afraid to show emotion and be vulnerable. We get so caught up in playing the game that we lose sight of what we started playing for. A term I find myself hearing frequently is “Leave before you’re left”. I’m guilty of having this jaded way of thinking. If the person I’m seeing even gives off the slightest sign of not being into me I run straight for the hills. It’s embarrassing and hurts our ego to be the one stuck caring about someone who doesn’t give a rat’s-ass about you. This makes it so much more difficult to keep a steady relationship. How can you actually be with someone if you’re both hanging on the edge just waiting for something to mess up?

We’re all scared to seem like we care, but yet if you look anywhere on social media you’ll see “#relationshipgoals” EVERYWHERE. I’ve always found so much irony in this. A girl will retweet and post about all of these things they want a guy to do for them, then 10 minutes later the same girl is tweeting up a storm about “I have no heart” and  “No feelings = better life”. Okay girl back the crazy train back up into the station. How on earth can you expect a guy or girl to put all this effort into some grand gesture if you’re basically saying you won’t show any feelings back? While some of these “goals” are cute and dreamy, they are completely unrealistic. Romance isn’t about show-boating how great your relationship is. Buying someone extravagant things will not make them love you anymore or any less.

Real love is hard work and about knowing another person inside and out. Knowing the bad, the good, the ugly, the emotional, and deepest parts of someone then loving them anyways. We all claim we hate love and don’t want to be with anyone, but I think we all secretly want to love and to be loved back. The idea of having a significant other know what we’re thinking just by looking at us. Waking up to the same person every day and never having to worry if you will die alone. Having someone to tell your day to that’s actually interested in hearing about it (or at least always pretends to be).  Someone who goes the extra mile to keep you put together, when life is doing everything it can to break you. A partner is not only the love of your life, but also your best friend. Its something to cherish. 

You have to be willing to ride out the rough times to get to the good though, and our generation just doesn’t understand that.

In conclusion I’d say, yeah we may be a self-entitled and lazy generation. Love is not our strong suit and especially not monogamy. Even with this being said I don’t believe it’s impossible for us to turn it around and bring back the idea of soul mates. We just have to sit down our phones, get down off of our high-horses, and be more present in the world around us. Instead of swiping, dm’ing, or snapchatting someone in search of a S.O., maybe just try walking up to the cute guy/girl in the coffee shop and strike up a real conversation. Instead of stalking someones social media, try asking them about themselves and really get to know them. We aren’t doomed to a life of pointless hook-ups, all it takes is making the choice to put forth some effort and realizing it’s okay to care. It’s okay to have feelings. Shocking. I know, but putting yourself out there and getting let down once or twice won’t kill you. It’s life. It’s all trial and error. The end result makes all the hard work and effort you put in so worth it.

What is your opinion on it? Do you think romance still exist in today’s society? I’d love to hear your thoughts on it! Thanks for reading.